Happy Pre-Valentine – A poem for you; End AIDS

Share This:

Vows…(part 1)

To love and to hold
It’s been five years.. Yes I counted

Because i never thought a span of so few years

could feel like an eternity

until you gave me a reason to look back

That’s how it works isn’t it…

The journey’s never too long

The field never too large

The distance never too tiring to walk

The ship too perfect to sink

Until that one leaf,

That one leak

That one small stupid mistake

that makes you look back at it

Then all the reasons come flooding in

Mid-journey your tank runs empty

Your back gives in as you tend to your feild

Your legs jelly

And the Titanic you built with so much confidence

Caves in to the pressure

Of the underestimated iceberg

And that’s why we’re lost at chilly sea

Drowning in this broth of misery

Flavoured with the blood from my wounds that add color

And the salt of your betrayal to my injuries.
What do I tell them?…

Congratulations, I’m with child

These hips you deemed unworthy

To bear your next generation

Have prooved you entirely wrong?

Or…. I’m sorry you mistook my character

For my aura was so shiny

It reflected the selfishness and cruelty of your oh so beloved son?

And to say the truth,

this rage boiling within me

Has reached its boiling point

This temperature my body,

my thoughts cannot handle

The demons in my head are going hammer

And my alter ego is probably sitting in your office chair writing your suicide note gloves in hand because we both know your penmanship isn’t that hard to forge

And this won’t be the first famous Murda she wrote

But then I’m kicked back into reality

Literally…. I can feel it… Her… Him…

My baby… Not ours but mine

For the heavens will give life through me

That you didn’t care for enough to tell me the truth

I remember when I was in a waiting room

Similar to this one

But still so entirely different

Waiting for the best news

As I sit here waiting for the worst

I was praying for a positive

I guess I’ve lived both sides of the coin

For I am now waiting and Feverently praying

And absent mindedly digging my nails into my palms

For this to be as negative as they come.
How could you do this to me?

To us…. To an unborn child

who’s only sin is being Adam’s …being Eve’s …being human

You are indeed the definition of inhuman

But I shouldn’t blame you entirely

This time for once

You’ll carry the 80%

in our unbalanced effort of a relationship

And I can torture myself with the 20% that could’ve made all the difference

I should’ve said yes

To all the clinic visits

To all the shots, tests and vitamin prescriptions

But noooo… My thoughts drip with sarcasm

reminding me of how naive I was

To think

“I don’t need all those tests”

“HIV?… noo ”

“doctor, I’ll pass I have no reason to doubt my status ”

Infidelity wasn’t a foreigner in my country… Nooo

It was a banned wanted criminal

That’s now barged into my life weapons Flaing

Shoot to kill

It’s disguise being a member of my own household

An enemy cut from my cloth
Madam S***@$….the doctor will see you now

Says the woman at the reception desk

blood rushes to my head…

I am lightheaded and nauseated of the filth it carries and how harmful it might be to this life inside of me and of the news I await

The news that will determine whether or not my alter ego gets her revenge

Lord save my baby  save this child

As I drag my feet through this door of judgment…

You should Pray that she, that he,… That my child is as pure as can be

And won’t inherit this curse you passed on to me

For I would rather it were an accident, blood transfusion, a cut while you saved the life of another

Instead of a spark of the moment, a fling, while you laid in the arms of another….

Then it wouldn’t be a curse…for good breeds better… We would’ve known earlier, taken precautions, worked through this together…

For better for worse,

For richer for poorer

In sickness and in health…

But ours wasn’t a church wedding,

And never had you said those words,

Never had you said those vows that I would hold against you with their sharp edges cutting into your unfaithful tongue… Revenge is sweet…. But ours wasn’t a real marriage, no vows, no union, no accountability….

Now this word marriage has a whole new meaning to me,

Mar-riage

Upside down… War… And all I see is rage for my perspective is blurred with it that I am blind to the I in the midst of it all…

I was a one night stand for five years,  wife being a title on a white board to be erased after serving its purpose in its time frame.


Heeey guys…. First major topic that I’ve posted… If you haven’t noticed by the end of this piece that it’s about HIV/AIDS awareness… Go back and read it again  :mrgreen:. It’s about the inner rants of a pregnant woman who just found out she’s positive in her last months of pregnancy because her partner was unfaithful. I wanted to write it in December for World Aids day but it just wasn’t flowing at the time… But hey!!… It’s finally here… Share…. Promote awareness against the spread of HIV/AIDS pandemic and go get tested and drag your partner along with you if they exist  ?…happy belated New Year and happy pre -valentines…. I’ll see if I can post anything before then…. Aaaaanyhu hope the journey was interesting… Tune in…. Or should I say type in… Maybe click in  ? coz it’s a link?…

Yeaaah stay linked in https://writersmagicwishlist.wordpress.com/2017/02/06/vows-part-1/?preview=true

And stay happy and classy . By TRACY NJERI MWAURA …..- aidsnomore ambassador / communication lead

Share This: